To HELL and BACK

So I recently talked to an old acquaintance who I had not spoken to since before Holden was born. He asked how I've been.  It felt like a loaded question...and I wasn't sure where to begin.  "Well, I've been to HELL and BACK," was what popped out of my mouth. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I explained the journey we've been on these past years.

When I hung up the phone, I found myself feeling very blessed. So yes, I've been to hell...but we've made it back. Our faith helped get us through the darkest days of our lives so far.  And for that I am so grateful. I didn't often talk about our struggles, rather I tryed to stay focused on the positive in each day. And I rarely looked back. But Holden, Reece and I fought like hell, in our own ways, to overcome the challenges we faced.

We are survivors. This journey has changed me, but in many ways for the better. I am not the same person I was five years ago...and I'm okay with that. 

Beyond the emotion toll this journey has taken on me, it took a physical one as well. The months of bed rest and sleeping on hospital couches gave me aches and pains like I never had. Gray hairs seemed to sprout up overnight...and wrinkles have taken up residence on my face!

Thank goodness for hair dye and... for now, I accept the wrinkles almost as a rite of passage to this new place I'm in today. I am finally working on my health and my body. I've joined a gym and have incorporated strength training to help strengthen the muscles that didn't get used for quite some time!

I look at Holden's face and can't help but to smile. I feel like God has given us a second chance. I am finally learning to stop living in survival mode..and just start living again. I have let myself look back, cry and now look forward.

We are so fortunate to have an awesome circle of family and friends. And Holden is such a warm soul that he makes new friends all the time!

I know we all have challenges or dark days that we eventually deal with in life.  I hope in some small way our story can help encourage others to have FAITH. Faith in God, faith in yourself or simply faith in a brighter day.  Just have FAITH.  As my wise Grandmother used to say "My dear, this too shall pass". She was so right!