Embracing Transition

When Holden turned 3 something strange happened within me. I realized that on many levels, I was still operating in survival mode. I had not truly let down my guard. But as I watched my little Monkey enjoy his birthday party, I felt overwhelmed with emotions...happiness, pride and in some ways relief. When Holden was sick, I knew I had to be strong and I did my best to make every day the best it could be for him. At that time, I stopped thinking of myself. But as I watch my sweet baby grow into a healthy, fearless, independent toddler, I've realized that I need to make peace with the past.

I had never really looked back. Never looked back at Holden's baby photos . And never looked back at my blog entries. But I've spent this past month revisiting these memories. And as painful as some of those days were, they were part of our journey and I needed to find a special place in my heart for them...so I can finally move forward. It is time for me to figure out who I am. I'm sure that sounds dramatic, but I am definitely not the same person I was before Holden was born. And while I love being Holden's Mommy and Reece's wife, it is time for me to figure out who I am...or who I want to be.

Holden as been off of oxygen and the feeding pump for more then three months now and has done really well. We had an appointment with his cardiologist last week to check his pulmonary pressures and veins. The echo showed that things are continuing to improve. Great news...we're so blessed!

Faith is an amazing thing. It got us through some very dark days. And now it is filling me with hope for the future. In many ways, I feel like God has given our family a second chance, and it is up to us to make the most of it!