NEW BLOG for a new chapter...

http://holdenfaith.blogspot.com/

This blog has been a God send for me.  Throughout the years it has been an ear for my troubles and support in the darkest of hours.  And I'm sure it has saved me a ton of money on therapy as I've learned to open up about our challenging journey!

Today, I begin a new chapter...well at least in blog world!  As I work toward finishing writing our book, "Holden Faith", I've decided to create a new blog. I will continue to post about Holden but as we are blessed with very normal, routine days, I imagine many of my posts on the new site will about the book writing and publishing process.  It will also include stories and thoughts as I visit the past (a place I don't let myself go to often). 

Thank you for those of you who have kept up with (and prayed for) our family these past years.  I hope you will continue to follow us at http://holdenfaith.blogspot.com

XOXO
Christine

To HELL and BACK

So I recently talked to an old acquaintance who I had not spoken to since before Holden was born. He asked how I've been.  It felt like a loaded question...and I wasn't sure where to begin.  "Well, I've been to HELL and BACK," was what popped out of my mouth. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I explained the journey we've been on these past years.

When I hung up the phone, I found myself feeling very blessed. So yes, I've been to hell...but we've made it back. Our faith helped get us through the darkest days of our lives so far.  And for that I am so grateful. I didn't often talk about our struggles, rather I tryed to stay focused on the positive in each day. And I rarely looked back. But Holden, Reece and I fought like hell, in our own ways, to overcome the challenges we faced.

We are survivors. This journey has changed me, but in many ways for the better. I am not the same person I was five years ago...and I'm okay with that. 

Beyond the emotion toll this journey has taken on me, it took a physical one as well. The months of bed rest and sleeping on hospital couches gave me aches and pains like I never had. Gray hairs seemed to sprout up overnight...and wrinkles have taken up residence on my face!

Thank goodness for hair dye and... for now, I accept the wrinkles almost as a rite of passage to this new place I'm in today. I am finally working on my health and my body. I've joined a gym and have incorporated strength training to help strengthen the muscles that didn't get used for quite some time!

I look at Holden's face and can't help but to smile. I feel like God has given us a second chance. I am finally learning to stop living in survival mode..and just start living again. I have let myself look back, cry and now look forward.

We are so fortunate to have an awesome circle of family and friends. And Holden is such a warm soul that he makes new friends all the time!

I know we all have challenges or dark days that we eventually deal with in life.  I hope in some small way our story can help encourage others to have FAITH. Faith in God, faith in yourself or simply faith in a brighter day.  Just have FAITH.  As my wise Grandmother used to say "My dear, this too shall pass". She was so right! 

Every Day is Disney

There is nothing quite like Disney with your child to remind you of how magical the world can be! The simple joy and amazement on Holden's face as we walked down Main Street at the Magic Kingdom and ventured onto all the attractions, not only filled my heart with joy...but also made me think how great it would be if I could make every day like Disney!
Holden was living in the moment. The lines, crazy people, cost of things and heat could not phase him. He was very focused on Mickey Mouse and all things happy and good. As much as I try to live my life this way, daily obligations and stresses can easily get me off track. Maybe that is why Disney...or vacations in general can be so good for us. We literally, even if it is just for a couple of days, escape from our responsibilities and have a chance for some child-like fun!

This was Holden's second visit to Disney...however he doesn't remember our first trip. And honestly, this was a better age, as far as him being able to communicate his anticipation and excitement. He's grown up with Disney books and DVDs, so he was very familiar with the characters and their attractions. He says he liked all the rides, but the Buzz Lightyear one was his favorite. He also liked the Beauty and the Beast live show at Hollywood Studios, Pirates of the Carribean and all the parades.

A few days after we got back from Disney World, Holden had a follow up appointment with his cardiologist. The anticipation and worry I always have with these visits is the complete opposite of Disney. Although everything has been going well...there is always a fear hiding deep down inside of me. I find myself praying and talking to God a lot during these times. This visit, I had a sense of peace within. I walked in with the same attitude Holden had at Disney World..."all things good and happy!" Fortunately, the appointment went well. In fact, this was the first visit that his cardiologist seemed to acknowledge that Holden has defied medical odds. He didn't directly use the word "miracle", but certainly eluded to the fact that his journey is hard to explain. They did a follow up echocardiogram to check his pulmonary pressures since he's come off all medication and thank goodness, all looks good. Holden continues to live a full and healthy life, despite losing one of his pulmonary veins at 8 months of age. His body has created collaterals to move the blood where his vein used to. Doctors have called his medical issues complicated and challenging and have referred to him as a "pioneer" in this area.

To quote the song from one of my favorite rides at Magic Kingdom:

"It's a world of laughter
A world of tears
It's a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There's so much that we share
That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all

There is just one moon
And one golden sun
And a smile means
Friendship to ev'ryone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small world after all"

The past couple of years has made me want to make the most of every day. Although not always easy, I really do try to look at the good and positive in my life. Challenges certainly exist, but I try not to let them define who I am. I believe God put me on this journey for a reason and I have to think he'd want me to find ways to make it like every day is Disney!

Happy 4th Birthday

Happy 4th Birthday HJ! Hard to believe another year has gone by.

God has continued to answer our prayers blessing you with good health... and you continue to be a daily reminder to me that miracles do happen!

I love the way you light up a room no matter where we go. I love that you've never met a stranger. I love that you are so open and excited to try new things....but most of all, I love the fact that every single day, your spirit, spunk and determination inspire me to be a better person.

When you were in the hospital, my goal was to make every day the best it could be considering the circumstances. We've come a long way since then, but yet I find myself still striving to make your world the best I can....every day!
You've taught me so much...

The power of prayer...
Expect good things to happen and they will...
Tackle life challenges with blind faith...
But most of all, to love like there is no tomorrow!

Holden, you are one amazing kid and I am so glad God picked us to be your parents! I look forward to continuing on this journey as a family and I know that together we can tackle anything!

You are my Super Holden! Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!

Love,
Mommy

Giving is Better than Receiving

Merry Christmas!

2011 has been another year full of blessings and good health for Holden and our family.

After the journey we've been on, we wanted to find a way to "give back" and this felt like the perfect time. We decided to collect toys and contributions for the kids at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. Our friends and family were incredibly generous. Together with the Newman family, we were able to donate hundreds of toys, Christmas cards and goodies - in Holden and Lily's name!

It was amazing to see the number of packages left at our doorstep the past couple of weeks. Such a reminder of what big hearts people have! I was proud of Holden for getting into the "giving" spirit and understanding that the presents were not for him. Holden came up with the idea of dressing up like Santa Claus to deliver the presents to the children. It was the perfect touch...and he took his Santa responsibilities pretty seriously for an almost 4-year old!

The staff greeted us with hugs and smiles. It was the first time Reece, Holden and I had been back to the Cardiac Floor (as a family) since Holden was a patient there. The emotions I felt were overwhelming. It was a reminder of how far our Holden has come! And a reminder that miracles do happen!

Holden was able to personally give gifts to two heart patients. It warmed my heart to watch the excitement on the little girls face as Holden handed her her new "Sing-a-magig". Because of our donation, the hospital had enough presents to give gifts to all their cardiac patients AND have extras to put in the patient playrooms. The staff was grateful for the pastries and goodie bags we brought. And I received an email yesterday for one of the parents who said her son loved the presents! It is so true....giving is better than receiving!

I have always struggled with why some of our children have to endure challenges at such a young age. I can't say I have the answer, but I have to believe that in some way they are here to inspire the rest of us. They are a reminder to us to make the most of every day. The reality is, none of us knows how long we have here. There are no real guarantees in life. So we need to count our blessings and enjoy the moments...big and small!

Thank you to all our family and friends who donated gifts for the children. We are so blessed to have you in our lives. Your support, prayers and love have meant so much to us. We wish you and your family a healthy and prosperous 2012!

Blessings...

Hard to believe it has been so long since I blogged. Fall is my favorite time of year. Between college football, Reece's tennis, Holden's preschool activities, play dates, fall festivals, travel and get togethers with family & friends, we have stayed busy. But we have been having a blast!

For me, this time of year always makes me appreciative of the family and friends we have in our lives. I know how fortunate I have been to grow up in a close-knit family and to have friends that are like family to me. I can see how Holden values these relationships already and it warms my heart to watch him interact with all the amazing people in our lives. We traveled to Brevard earlier this month and Holden was so excited to spend time with his Aunt Amy and Granma Deda . He loved playing with the hand-made puppets, watching the Nutcracker Music Box and hiking in the mountains. But most of all, he liked being surrounded by his family!

Holden is turning into quite a little ham. He loves performing, dressing up in costumes, action-figures and playing anything outside. For us, Halloween started in early October when his costume (Beast, from Beauty and the Beast) arrived. He literally wore it every day until Halloween. He even won first place in a Halloween costume contest. We had a great time trick-or-treating with neighborhood friends.

Thanksgiving has now officially become my favorite holiday. I love that everyone seems to take the time to think about what they are thankful for. Holden and I started a "Blessing Tree". Each morning we would ask each other what we were thankful for that day. I loved that his answers varied from "I am thankful for Mommy and Daddy" to "today I am thankful for the TV". He certainly knows what is important in his life!

In many ways, every day is Thanksgiving for me. Holden has been such a joy and his health has been the biggest blessing we could have asked for. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for the miracle child he gave us.

Five years ago, I sat at Santa's lap at Dollywood and asked him for a baby. I must admit, Santa didn't seemed phased at such a big request. He assured me that if it was part of God's plan, then I would get my baby. Last weekend, I was able to introduce my "baby" to the same Santa! And my baby wasn't phased by Santa this year. He hopped onto his lap and jumped into his top requests. It was one of those moments that I'll remember forever. As I stood there and watched Holden with Santa, I couldn't help but count my blessings!