Saying BYE BYE to a Friend for a reason

Yesterday we said "bye-bye" to an old friend of sorts...Holden's G-Tube. It was another milestone for us in this miraculous journey. And for me, a true testament of God's hand at work in our lives.

As many of you know, our old friend "G-Tube" may have saved Holden's life. As a newborn, his reflux was so severe that he would projectile vomit after each feeding. It got so bad that at one point he aspirated formula which caused him to get pneumonia and landed us in the hospital for over 2 weeks. His doctors feared that if he aspirated again, it could cause significant damage to his already fragile lungs. So at eight months old, we headed back to the hospital for a fundoplication surgery where Holden received a G-Tube for his 20 hour-a-day feedings through a feeding pump.
The G-Tube and feeding pump enabled us to safely feed Holden the nutrients he needed to grow. And thankfully, as he grew, he slowly got healthier. And as time went on, we were able to reduce the amount of time he was hooked up to the feeding pump...ultimately freeing him (us) from being attached to so many tube/wires.

Interestingly...this is the ONLY photo I have of Holden's G-Tube. I can't fully explain why, other than it was something I embraced only temporarily in our lives. I always prayed and visualized Holden eating on his own and having the G-Tube removed. In fact, at night when Holden and I say our prayers we would ask God to help him get strong enough so we could "say bye-bye to the feeding pump and g-tube." We said bye-bye to the feeding pump in November and yesterday, the rest of our prayer was answered as we said "bye-bye" to our old friend G-Tube.
For some reason, this reminded me of a poem that was recently emailed "Reason, Season or Lifetime". The first verse reads..."People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.When you figure out which one it is,you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.They have come to assist you through a difficulty;to provide you with guidance and support;to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.They may seem like a godsend, and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on."

In a strange way, that G-Tube was our friend. It was in our lives for a reason but now that our prayer has been answered, we said good-bye and are happily moving on! Thank goodness for friends of reason. They have a definite purpose in our lives and will always have a special place in our hearts!

Put me in coach...

It has been quite a while since I blogged, but I can tell you that Holden is doing fantastic. He is having a great summer making new friends and experiencing new things all the time. It is almost as if both of us made a decision that we spent enough time on the side lines...and we were ready to get into the game!
We joined the Mom's Club of Grayson and have fun attending various activities each week. Whether we go with the group to the park, for ice cream or our recent outing to the John Deer shop, Holden is happy to be out and about and loves socializing with anybody and everybody!

He is far from shy. At our pool opening party, Holden got up in front of everyone to sing karaoke...quite the sight to see our little guy singing "You give love a bad name!" He also loves getting dressed up. Some days he's Woody, Buzz or a pirate. Some days he's all three at once and he treats us to a show!

We are finally feeling more settled in our new house and neighborhood. Holden and I have been going to the pool often and are slowly meeting many of our neighbors. It is awesome to have so many families with young kids here. Holden loves playing outside and has become quite the driver of his John Deer tractor!

Holden had his first swim lessons this summer. While I can't yet call him a "swimmer," I can say that he loves the water and did pick up alot from his lessons. He's not quite ready to keep his face under the water for too long, but he's willing to try and is pretty good at the doggy paddle!

I love that Monkey is so open to new experiences, adventures and friends. It has been a summer of transition...a summer of good health...a summer of fun...but most importantly, a summer of playing in "the game!"

Graduating...

As I drove to Holden's graduation party for his 2-year-old class, I found myself fighting back tears. I couldn't help but remember when doctors told us he would not be able to go to preschool until he was 4 (when the lungs stop growing). Then, as he made so much progress, they suggested we put him in preschool 2 days a week to help build his immune system, but warned that we'd probably have to pull him out during cold & flu season. But fortunately, we never had to.

Holden constantly amazes me! In his own way, he defies the odds over and over again. So graduating from the 2-year-old to the 3 year-old-class represents so much more for us. We've graduating to a wonderful typical daily life. One without the physical restrictions of oxygen and feeding pumps. One without constant doctor appointments. One without having to restrict him from playing with other children.
During one of our many hospital stays, Holden and I took a wagon ride to the gift shop. Holden picked up a plush flower with scripture text "And the child grew, and the Lord Blessed him" (Judges 13:24). I bought it to liven up our dreary hospital room. The flower is now in Holden's room and nearly every day I think about how fitting that verse is..."and the child grew, and the Lord blessed him." We have been so blessed.

May has been a busy but good month for us. We got a contract on our old house and are set to move and close the end of this month. Holden had his last couple soccor games and party, and we also had two weekend getaways.

Holden and I went with Grandma Rosanne and the Kramer family (my sister Joanne) to Pigeon Forge. We stayed in a cabin in the mountains and spent a day at Dollywood. Holden had a blast. He didn't want to ride in a stroller...he wanted to walk like a big boy to keep up with his cousins. He was totally into the rides and the shows. He said his favorite was the car ride. He's already talking about going back again and bringing Daddy!

We spent Mother's Day weekend at a beach house with the Witmers and friends in St. Simon Island. It was an amazing house and we all had a great time. Holden absolutely loves the beach (and sand) and could get enough of it!

So as we graduate to summer, we have so much to be appreciative of...and so much to look forward to.

Embracing Transition

When Holden turned 3 something strange happened within me. I realized that on many levels, I was still operating in survival mode. I had not truly let down my guard. But as I watched my little Monkey enjoy his birthday party, I felt overwhelmed with emotions...happiness, pride and in some ways relief. When Holden was sick, I knew I had to be strong and I did my best to make every day the best it could be for him. At that time, I stopped thinking of myself. But as I watch my sweet baby grow into a healthy, fearless, independent toddler, I've realized that I need to make peace with the past.

I had never really looked back. Never looked back at Holden's baby photos . And never looked back at my blog entries. But I've spent this past month revisiting these memories. And as painful as some of those days were, they were part of our journey and I needed to find a special place in my heart for them...so I can finally move forward. It is time for me to figure out who I am. I'm sure that sounds dramatic, but I am definitely not the same person I was before Holden was born. And while I love being Holden's Mommy and Reece's wife, it is time for me to figure out who I am...or who I want to be.

Holden as been off of oxygen and the feeding pump for more then three months now and has done really well. We had an appointment with his cardiologist last week to check his pulmonary pressures and veins. The echo showed that things are continuing to improve. Great news...we're so blessed!

Faith is an amazing thing. It got us through some very dark days. And now it is filling me with hope for the future. In many ways, I feel like God has given our family a second chance, and it is up to us to make the most of it!

Happy 3rd Birthday

Happy 3rd Birthday Monkey! You are one amazing little guy. I thank God every day that he brought you into my world...and that he continues to bless you with good health.

Tonight, you brought me the book "I Knew You Could!" to read you before bed. What an appropriate story to read as we celebrate your birthday...this past year...and the future! I had to fight back tears as I read to you...

" I knew you could! And you knew it too- That you'd come out on top after all you've been through. And from here you'll go farther and see brand-new sights. You'll face brand-new hills that rise to new heights...On your new trip, you'll make plenty of stops, In deep river valleys and on high mountaintops. Some will surprise you and some will be planned, And you'll roll through each one saying "I think I can'!" You'll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark, And you'll wish for a light or even a spark. You might get scared or a little bit sad, Wondering if maybe your track has gone bad. So here's some advice to help ease your doubt: The track you took in must also go out. So steady yourself and just keep on going - Before you know it, some light will be showing. And then you'll be out, heading to a new place. You'll be ready for the next tunnel you face....There's more about life that you'll learn as you go, Because figuring things out on your own helps you grow. Just trust in yourself, and you'll climb every hill. Say "I think I can!" and you know what? You will!"

Since before you were born (when I was on bed rest), I heard a voice telling me that everything was going to be okay. It was that voice that gave the the strength to have the "I Knew You Could!" attitude in the face of what seemed like the impossible. It took me thirty-something years to learn this, however, you seemed to be born already knowing that "believing is seeing!". You are a wise young soul who inspires me to believe harder, think deeper and live fuller!

I know I've said this before, but I can't help but think that God has big plans for you. One thing is for sure...I know YOU can do anything you want to do. And I'm sure going to enjoy watching you as you chug down each track and conquer the world!

You truly are the bravest boy I know! You make me proud...and you inspire me to tackle my fears. Someday, I suspect you'll be telling me "I knew you could, Mommy!".

Happy 3rd Birthday Holden! Here's to another healthy and happy 365 days!!

Love,

Mommy

A HAPPY new year

Happy New Year to all our friends and family.

I am sitting in our new home enjoying the view of a winter wonderland that fell on Atlanta earlier this week, amazed that there is still snow and ice on the ground. Although we've enjoyed playing in the snow...and looking at it out the window, I think we're ready for it to melt enough to get back into our normal routine!

It seems like the Christmas season flew by...as usual. And while we stayed busy, we were blessed with some quality time with our friends and family.

Holden was completely into Christmas this year...especially after his visit to Santa to share his wish list! He helped put out cookies and milk and tried to resist falling asleep so he could hear and see Santa when he arrived! He was so excited in the morning to see what Santa had left for him!





Holden continues to do well completely off his oxygen. We did a sleep study over the holidays and are anxious to see if the results prove that he no longer needs the O2. And the sores on his face seem to be healing...very slowly...but definitely going in the right direction!

I know I tend to be pretty sappy in my blogs, but I honestly feel so blessed. I guess when you spend time in a very dark place, you can't help but feel lucky when things are going good! I pray that 2011 brings us continued good fortune, love and most importantly...good health!!