Graduating...

As I drove to Holden's graduation party for his 2-year-old class, I found myself fighting back tears. I couldn't help but remember when doctors told us he would not be able to go to preschool until he was 4 (when the lungs stop growing). Then, as he made so much progress, they suggested we put him in preschool 2 days a week to help build his immune system, but warned that we'd probably have to pull him out during cold & flu season. But fortunately, we never had to.

Holden constantly amazes me! In his own way, he defies the odds over and over again. So graduating from the 2-year-old to the 3 year-old-class represents so much more for us. We've graduating to a wonderful typical daily life. One without the physical restrictions of oxygen and feeding pumps. One without constant doctor appointments. One without having to restrict him from playing with other children.
During one of our many hospital stays, Holden and I took a wagon ride to the gift shop. Holden picked up a plush flower with scripture text "And the child grew, and the Lord Blessed him" (Judges 13:24). I bought it to liven up our dreary hospital room. The flower is now in Holden's room and nearly every day I think about how fitting that verse is..."and the child grew, and the Lord blessed him." We have been so blessed.

May has been a busy but good month for us. We got a contract on our old house and are set to move and close the end of this month. Holden had his last couple soccor games and party, and we also had two weekend getaways.

Holden and I went with Grandma Rosanne and the Kramer family (my sister Joanne) to Pigeon Forge. We stayed in a cabin in the mountains and spent a day at Dollywood. Holden had a blast. He didn't want to ride in a stroller...he wanted to walk like a big boy to keep up with his cousins. He was totally into the rides and the shows. He said his favorite was the car ride. He's already talking about going back again and bringing Daddy!

We spent Mother's Day weekend at a beach house with the Witmers and friends in St. Simon Island. It was an amazing house and we all had a great time. Holden absolutely loves the beach (and sand) and could get enough of it!

So as we graduate to summer, we have so much to be appreciative of...and so much to look forward to.

Embracing Transition

When Holden turned 3 something strange happened within me. I realized that on many levels, I was still operating in survival mode. I had not truly let down my guard. But as I watched my little Monkey enjoy his birthday party, I felt overwhelmed with emotions...happiness, pride and in some ways relief. When Holden was sick, I knew I had to be strong and I did my best to make every day the best it could be for him. At that time, I stopped thinking of myself. But as I watch my sweet baby grow into a healthy, fearless, independent toddler, I've realized that I need to make peace with the past.

I had never really looked back. Never looked back at Holden's baby photos . And never looked back at my blog entries. But I've spent this past month revisiting these memories. And as painful as some of those days were, they were part of our journey and I needed to find a special place in my heart for them...so I can finally move forward. It is time for me to figure out who I am. I'm sure that sounds dramatic, but I am definitely not the same person I was before Holden was born. And while I love being Holden's Mommy and Reece's wife, it is time for me to figure out who I am...or who I want to be.

Holden as been off of oxygen and the feeding pump for more then three months now and has done really well. We had an appointment with his cardiologist last week to check his pulmonary pressures and veins. The echo showed that things are continuing to improve. Great news...we're so blessed!

Faith is an amazing thing. It got us through some very dark days. And now it is filling me with hope for the future. In many ways, I feel like God has given our family a second chance, and it is up to us to make the most of it!

Happy 3rd Birthday

Happy 3rd Birthday Monkey! You are one amazing little guy. I thank God every day that he brought you into my world...and that he continues to bless you with good health.

Tonight, you brought me the book "I Knew You Could!" to read you before bed. What an appropriate story to read as we celebrate your birthday...this past year...and the future! I had to fight back tears as I read to you...

" I knew you could! And you knew it too- That you'd come out on top after all you've been through. And from here you'll go farther and see brand-new sights. You'll face brand-new hills that rise to new heights...On your new trip, you'll make plenty of stops, In deep river valleys and on high mountaintops. Some will surprise you and some will be planned, And you'll roll through each one saying "I think I can'!" You'll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark, And you'll wish for a light or even a spark. You might get scared or a little bit sad, Wondering if maybe your track has gone bad. So here's some advice to help ease your doubt: The track you took in must also go out. So steady yourself and just keep on going - Before you know it, some light will be showing. And then you'll be out, heading to a new place. You'll be ready for the next tunnel you face....There's more about life that you'll learn as you go, Because figuring things out on your own helps you grow. Just trust in yourself, and you'll climb every hill. Say "I think I can!" and you know what? You will!"

Since before you were born (when I was on bed rest), I heard a voice telling me that everything was going to be okay. It was that voice that gave the the strength to have the "I Knew You Could!" attitude in the face of what seemed like the impossible. It took me thirty-something years to learn this, however, you seemed to be born already knowing that "believing is seeing!". You are a wise young soul who inspires me to believe harder, think deeper and live fuller!

I know I've said this before, but I can't help but think that God has big plans for you. One thing is for sure...I know YOU can do anything you want to do. And I'm sure going to enjoy watching you as you chug down each track and conquer the world!

You truly are the bravest boy I know! You make me proud...and you inspire me to tackle my fears. Someday, I suspect you'll be telling me "I knew you could, Mommy!".

Happy 3rd Birthday Holden! Here's to another healthy and happy 365 days!!

Love,

Mommy

A HAPPY new year

Happy New Year to all our friends and family.

I am sitting in our new home enjoying the view of a winter wonderland that fell on Atlanta earlier this week, amazed that there is still snow and ice on the ground. Although we've enjoyed playing in the snow...and looking at it out the window, I think we're ready for it to melt enough to get back into our normal routine!

It seems like the Christmas season flew by...as usual. And while we stayed busy, we were blessed with some quality time with our friends and family.

Holden was completely into Christmas this year...especially after his visit to Santa to share his wish list! He helped put out cookies and milk and tried to resist falling asleep so he could hear and see Santa when he arrived! He was so excited in the morning to see what Santa had left for him!





Holden continues to do well completely off his oxygen. We did a sleep study over the holidays and are anxious to see if the results prove that he no longer needs the O2. And the sores on his face seem to be healing...very slowly...but definitely going in the right direction!

I know I tend to be pretty sappy in my blogs, but I honestly feel so blessed. I guess when you spend time in a very dark place, you can't help but feel lucky when things are going good! I pray that 2011 brings us continued good fortune, love and most importantly...good health!!

Christmas came early...

Holden had a doctor appointment on Monday and we were thrilled to hear that she thinks Holden is ready to come off the oxygen...completely! (He was still sleeping with it at night). So Monday night was the first night ever, that Monkey slept without any tubes attached to him! What a blessing...the best Christmas present we could have asked for!!

The doctor also took him off his steroid inhaler, as they think that, along with the nasal cannula have been aggravating the sores on his face and may be preventing them from healing.

We will obviously be watching him closely, but I have no doubt that he's ready...as the little stinker had been taking the cannula off in the middle of the night anyway!




Last month, we decided to stop his night time feeds using the feeding pump. Although his GI Doctor did not agree with the strategy, it was one of the smartest decisions I ever made...as now Holden wakes up hungry. His appetite has grown tremendously and he suddenly has an interest in food! He has continued to slowly put on weight and is definitely getting taller. So assuming all continues to go well with his growth, we will hopefully, soon, get rid of his G-Tube forever! Yet another prayer answered!!

We are in the process of moving into our new home in Grayson. It is a great house in a very family friendly subdivision...with lots of kids around Holden's age. Although as everyone knows, moving itself is not much fun, it has been an exciting time for all of us. It has been especially fun to watch Holden as he embraces this new phase of our life. He immediately took to his new surroundings...becoming very adventurous...exploring every room and claiming which ones were his. He is also acting more independent...wanting to explore and play some on his own.

We have not yet sold our old house, so this move is certainly risky. But I pray that in the long run we made the right decision!

I had a moment while driving to preschool the other day where I was very aware of everything around me. The crisp (freezing) morning air, my calm breathing and Holden riding in his car seat singing "Jingle Bells". Tears streamed down my face as I thought about how far Holden (and we) have come! Sure life still throws us some curve balls here and there, but I know how truly blessed we are! And I am very grateful for the love and support we continue to have from our friends and family.

We wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

When it rains it pours...

It has been quite awhile since I've blogged. We've had so much going on...some good and some challenging.

Holden had a blast this Halloween. He has been talking about what he wanted to be for weeks. He finally settled on Pablo from The Backyardigans (little blue penguin) and he's been wearing his costume whenever and where ever we'd let him. He began his Halloween celebration on Friday morning with playgroup. He had a party with Mommy and Daddy Friday evening as we carved our pumpkin..then continued Saturday night at a neighborhood party and ended it last night with some trick or treating...and several pieces of candy before bed! He woke up Monday morning talking about this adventures these past couple of days.

The past 6 weeks have flown by. We've had 3 small trips. We went to visit Granma Deda in NC. Then the following week we headed south to Tifton to visit some of my family...and give Holden a chance to play with his 2nd cousins (who he adores!). Then we rented a lake house at Lake Lanier with one of my dear friends and her 1 1/2 year old son. Holden quickly found himself a new friend!

Shortly after all our travels, Monkey caught RSV and got pretty sick. In most cases, he would have been admitted to the hospital, but doctors felt comfortable with us treating him at home based on his history and to reduce the chance of him being exposed to something else. It was a rough week, but we made it through.

As you can see, Holden still has the sores on his face. It has been frustrating and doctors are really not sure what exactly is going on. He's now had two biopsies done. After 7 weeks, nothing grew in the lab from the 1st one. We're still waiting on results from the 2nd. We went to see an infectious disease doctor who has a couple of suspicions...but sent us to a 3rd dermatologist for another opinion. The 3rd dermatologist thinks it may be cystic acne brought on by prolonged use of steroids. At this point, that is what he's being treat for. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic and 2 topical creams. I pray this doctor is right and that we'll soon see improvement...as Holden is now making comments about his boo-boos. At night when we pray, he asks God for his "boo-boos to go bye-bye". It just breaks my heart!

We've also been in the process of buying a new home...with plans of moving in late November. We're excited, but we've been so busy, I don't think it has really hit us yet. Reece has already been playing tennis in the subdivision so we're starting to make friends. And best of all, there are a ton of kids...lots Holden's age. He's been playing with some of them on Saturday mornings while Daddy is playing tennis.

Holden's little personality is really blossoming. I honestly don't think he knows a stranger. He makes friends everywhere we go. It is fun to watch him take on some of the cranky people we encounter...at the hospital and at the stores we shop in. Holden is one persistent little guy and keeps at them until he gets a smile or response. I am so proud when I see him light up a room. He has learned to make the most out of any situation and that we can have fun just about anywhere! Even when things get crazy around here, I can count on Holden to keep me focused on what is truly important...family, love and God! So while it may be pouring, I have to remember that rain isn't all bad...and look forward to the flowers that bloom after the storm!