Giving is Better than Receiving

Merry Christmas!

2011 has been another year full of blessings and good health for Holden and our family.

After the journey we've been on, we wanted to find a way to "give back" and this felt like the perfect time. We decided to collect toys and contributions for the kids at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. Our friends and family were incredibly generous. Together with the Newman family, we were able to donate hundreds of toys, Christmas cards and goodies - in Holden and Lily's name!

It was amazing to see the number of packages left at our doorstep the past couple of weeks. Such a reminder of what big hearts people have! I was proud of Holden for getting into the "giving" spirit and understanding that the presents were not for him. Holden came up with the idea of dressing up like Santa Claus to deliver the presents to the children. It was the perfect touch...and he took his Santa responsibilities pretty seriously for an almost 4-year old!

The staff greeted us with hugs and smiles. It was the first time Reece, Holden and I had been back to the Cardiac Floor (as a family) since Holden was a patient there. The emotions I felt were overwhelming. It was a reminder of how far our Holden has come! And a reminder that miracles do happen!

Holden was able to personally give gifts to two heart patients. It warmed my heart to watch the excitement on the little girls face as Holden handed her her new "Sing-a-magig". Because of our donation, the hospital had enough presents to give gifts to all their cardiac patients AND have extras to put in the patient playrooms. The staff was grateful for the pastries and goodie bags we brought. And I received an email yesterday for one of the parents who said her son loved the presents! It is so true....giving is better than receiving!

I have always struggled with why some of our children have to endure challenges at such a young age. I can't say I have the answer, but I have to believe that in some way they are here to inspire the rest of us. They are a reminder to us to make the most of every day. The reality is, none of us knows how long we have here. There are no real guarantees in life. So we need to count our blessings and enjoy the moments...big and small!

Thank you to all our family and friends who donated gifts for the children. We are so blessed to have you in our lives. Your support, prayers and love have meant so much to us. We wish you and your family a healthy and prosperous 2012!

Blessings...

Hard to believe it has been so long since I blogged. Fall is my favorite time of year. Between college football, Reece's tennis, Holden's preschool activities, play dates, fall festivals, travel and get togethers with family & friends, we have stayed busy. But we have been having a blast!

For me, this time of year always makes me appreciative of the family and friends we have in our lives. I know how fortunate I have been to grow up in a close-knit family and to have friends that are like family to me. I can see how Holden values these relationships already and it warms my heart to watch him interact with all the amazing people in our lives. We traveled to Brevard earlier this month and Holden was so excited to spend time with his Aunt Amy and Granma Deda . He loved playing with the hand-made puppets, watching the Nutcracker Music Box and hiking in the mountains. But most of all, he liked being surrounded by his family!

Holden is turning into quite a little ham. He loves performing, dressing up in costumes, action-figures and playing anything outside. For us, Halloween started in early October when his costume (Beast, from Beauty and the Beast) arrived. He literally wore it every day until Halloween. He even won first place in a Halloween costume contest. We had a great time trick-or-treating with neighborhood friends.

Thanksgiving has now officially become my favorite holiday. I love that everyone seems to take the time to think about what they are thankful for. Holden and I started a "Blessing Tree". Each morning we would ask each other what we were thankful for that day. I loved that his answers varied from "I am thankful for Mommy and Daddy" to "today I am thankful for the TV". He certainly knows what is important in his life!

In many ways, every day is Thanksgiving for me. Holden has been such a joy and his health has been the biggest blessing we could have asked for. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for the miracle child he gave us.

Five years ago, I sat at Santa's lap at Dollywood and asked him for a baby. I must admit, Santa didn't seemed phased at such a big request. He assured me that if it was part of God's plan, then I would get my baby. Last weekend, I was able to introduce my "baby" to the same Santa! And my baby wasn't phased by Santa this year. He hopped onto his lap and jumped into his top requests. It was one of those moments that I'll remember forever. As I stood there and watched Holden with Santa, I couldn't help but count my blessings!

Our Perfectly Imperfect Life

My post on Facebook today was "I'm appreciating my perfectly imperfect life." I think I'm finally at a point in my life where I accept that perfection is not a reality. I have to believe that all of us have some degree of imperfection in our lives. Before Holden was born, I think my marketing/pr career influenced my personal life. I didn't spend much time talking about the imperfections...preferring to keep the focus on all the things that were going right.

Fast forward 3 1/2 years and my eyes have been open to so much. Being a Mom has been the greatest gift God could have ever given me...and with Motherhood comes a hole lot of "imperfection". But I think my imperfections have made me more "real"...more relatable and hopefully a better role model for Holden. I think the real lesson is in how we handle the imperfections life throw our way. So life doesn't always go as planned but how we deal with it is what truly matters.

Unfortunately Holden had to learned this lesson very early. As an infant he had to deal with many imperfect days yet he (we) found a way to always make the best of things. I believe this has had an impact in how he handles himself in every day situations. For the most part, he's a pretty easy going kid. I'm constantly amazed at how well he deals with the "imperfections" in his world. He's learned that sometimes he needs to be flexible. Sometimes he can't get his way. And sometimes he may be disappointed. But he goes with it. And he can find the silver lining anywhere...even when we go to the hospital to do his monthly blood work.

Holden started back to preschool two mornings a week and quickly got back into the routine. He looks forward to going to class and has already made new friends. Yesterday his teacher said "he is one funny kid!" I love that he's so personable!

Holden is fascinated with acting out scenes from his favorite Disney movies and cartoons. He uses his figurines and recites lines from the movies and sings the songs! The latest is Beauty and the Beast. He loves acting like the Beast and wakes up at 6am "roaring" and ready to go! It is so much fun to watch. And Holden assigns us roles as the secondary characters! He definitely gets his acting ability from Reece's side of the family. He's a little ham!

So maybe my (our) lives don't always go as planned, but I have to believe there is a reason. Certainly God's plan, in the long run, has to be better than whatever I thought I wanted. Maybe that is why I've been able to embrace my perfectly imperfect life!

Saying BYE BYE to a Friend for a reason

Yesterday we said "bye-bye" to an old friend of sorts...Holden's G-Tube. It was another milestone for us in this miraculous journey. And for me, a true testament of God's hand at work in our lives.

As many of you know, our old friend "G-Tube" may have saved Holden's life. As a newborn, his reflux was so severe that he would projectile vomit after each feeding. It got so bad that at one point he aspirated formula which caused him to get pneumonia and landed us in the hospital for over 2 weeks. His doctors feared that if he aspirated again, it could cause significant damage to his already fragile lungs. So at eight months old, we headed back to the hospital for a fundoplication surgery where Holden received a G-Tube for his 20 hour-a-day feedings through a feeding pump.
The G-Tube and feeding pump enabled us to safely feed Holden the nutrients he needed to grow. And thankfully, as he grew, he slowly got healthier. And as time went on, we were able to reduce the amount of time he was hooked up to the feeding pump...ultimately freeing him (us) from being attached to so many tube/wires.

Interestingly...this is the ONLY photo I have of Holden's G-Tube. I can't fully explain why, other than it was something I embraced only temporarily in our lives. I always prayed and visualized Holden eating on his own and having the G-Tube removed. In fact, at night when Holden and I say our prayers we would ask God to help him get strong enough so we could "say bye-bye to the feeding pump and g-tube." We said bye-bye to the feeding pump in November and yesterday, the rest of our prayer was answered as we said "bye-bye" to our old friend G-Tube.
For some reason, this reminded me of a poem that was recently emailed "Reason, Season or Lifetime". The first verse reads..."People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.When you figure out which one it is,you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.They have come to assist you through a difficulty;to provide you with guidance and support;to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.They may seem like a godsend, and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on."

In a strange way, that G-Tube was our friend. It was in our lives for a reason but now that our prayer has been answered, we said good-bye and are happily moving on! Thank goodness for friends of reason. They have a definite purpose in our lives and will always have a special place in our hearts!

Put me in coach...

It has been quite a while since I blogged, but I can tell you that Holden is doing fantastic. He is having a great summer making new friends and experiencing new things all the time. It is almost as if both of us made a decision that we spent enough time on the side lines...and we were ready to get into the game!
We joined the Mom's Club of Grayson and have fun attending various activities each week. Whether we go with the group to the park, for ice cream or our recent outing to the John Deer shop, Holden is happy to be out and about and loves socializing with anybody and everybody!

He is far from shy. At our pool opening party, Holden got up in front of everyone to sing karaoke...quite the sight to see our little guy singing "You give love a bad name!" He also loves getting dressed up. Some days he's Woody, Buzz or a pirate. Some days he's all three at once and he treats us to a show!

We are finally feeling more settled in our new house and neighborhood. Holden and I have been going to the pool often and are slowly meeting many of our neighbors. It is awesome to have so many families with young kids here. Holden loves playing outside and has become quite the driver of his John Deer tractor!

Holden had his first swim lessons this summer. While I can't yet call him a "swimmer," I can say that he loves the water and did pick up alot from his lessons. He's not quite ready to keep his face under the water for too long, but he's willing to try and is pretty good at the doggy paddle!

I love that Monkey is so open to new experiences, adventures and friends. It has been a summer of transition...a summer of good health...a summer of fun...but most importantly, a summer of playing in "the game!"

Graduating...

As I drove to Holden's graduation party for his 2-year-old class, I found myself fighting back tears. I couldn't help but remember when doctors told us he would not be able to go to preschool until he was 4 (when the lungs stop growing). Then, as he made so much progress, they suggested we put him in preschool 2 days a week to help build his immune system, but warned that we'd probably have to pull him out during cold & flu season. But fortunately, we never had to.

Holden constantly amazes me! In his own way, he defies the odds over and over again. So graduating from the 2-year-old to the 3 year-old-class represents so much more for us. We've graduating to a wonderful typical daily life. One without the physical restrictions of oxygen and feeding pumps. One without constant doctor appointments. One without having to restrict him from playing with other children.
During one of our many hospital stays, Holden and I took a wagon ride to the gift shop. Holden picked up a plush flower with scripture text "And the child grew, and the Lord Blessed him" (Judges 13:24). I bought it to liven up our dreary hospital room. The flower is now in Holden's room and nearly every day I think about how fitting that verse is..."and the child grew, and the Lord blessed him." We have been so blessed.

May has been a busy but good month for us. We got a contract on our old house and are set to move and close the end of this month. Holden had his last couple soccor games and party, and we also had two weekend getaways.

Holden and I went with Grandma Rosanne and the Kramer family (my sister Joanne) to Pigeon Forge. We stayed in a cabin in the mountains and spent a day at Dollywood. Holden had a blast. He didn't want to ride in a stroller...he wanted to walk like a big boy to keep up with his cousins. He was totally into the rides and the shows. He said his favorite was the car ride. He's already talking about going back again and bringing Daddy!

We spent Mother's Day weekend at a beach house with the Witmers and friends in St. Simon Island. It was an amazing house and we all had a great time. Holden absolutely loves the beach (and sand) and could get enough of it!

So as we graduate to summer, we have so much to be appreciative of...and so much to look forward to.

Embracing Transition

When Holden turned 3 something strange happened within me. I realized that on many levels, I was still operating in survival mode. I had not truly let down my guard. But as I watched my little Monkey enjoy his birthday party, I felt overwhelmed with emotions...happiness, pride and in some ways relief. When Holden was sick, I knew I had to be strong and I did my best to make every day the best it could be for him. At that time, I stopped thinking of myself. But as I watch my sweet baby grow into a healthy, fearless, independent toddler, I've realized that I need to make peace with the past.

I had never really looked back. Never looked back at Holden's baby photos . And never looked back at my blog entries. But I've spent this past month revisiting these memories. And as painful as some of those days were, they were part of our journey and I needed to find a special place in my heart for them...so I can finally move forward. It is time for me to figure out who I am. I'm sure that sounds dramatic, but I am definitely not the same person I was before Holden was born. And while I love being Holden's Mommy and Reece's wife, it is time for me to figure out who I am...or who I want to be.

Holden as been off of oxygen and the feeding pump for more then three months now and has done really well. We had an appointment with his cardiologist last week to check his pulmonary pressures and veins. The echo showed that things are continuing to improve. Great news...we're so blessed!

Faith is an amazing thing. It got us through some very dark days. And now it is filling me with hope for the future. In many ways, I feel like God has given our family a second chance, and it is up to us to make the most of it!

Happy 3rd Birthday

Happy 3rd Birthday Monkey! You are one amazing little guy. I thank God every day that he brought you into my world...and that he continues to bless you with good health.

Tonight, you brought me the book "I Knew You Could!" to read you before bed. What an appropriate story to read as we celebrate your birthday...this past year...and the future! I had to fight back tears as I read to you...

" I knew you could! And you knew it too- That you'd come out on top after all you've been through. And from here you'll go farther and see brand-new sights. You'll face brand-new hills that rise to new heights...On your new trip, you'll make plenty of stops, In deep river valleys and on high mountaintops. Some will surprise you and some will be planned, And you'll roll through each one saying "I think I can'!" You'll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark, And you'll wish for a light or even a spark. You might get scared or a little bit sad, Wondering if maybe your track has gone bad. So here's some advice to help ease your doubt: The track you took in must also go out. So steady yourself and just keep on going - Before you know it, some light will be showing. And then you'll be out, heading to a new place. You'll be ready for the next tunnel you face....There's more about life that you'll learn as you go, Because figuring things out on your own helps you grow. Just trust in yourself, and you'll climb every hill. Say "I think I can!" and you know what? You will!"

Since before you were born (when I was on bed rest), I heard a voice telling me that everything was going to be okay. It was that voice that gave the the strength to have the "I Knew You Could!" attitude in the face of what seemed like the impossible. It took me thirty-something years to learn this, however, you seemed to be born already knowing that "believing is seeing!". You are a wise young soul who inspires me to believe harder, think deeper and live fuller!

I know I've said this before, but I can't help but think that God has big plans for you. One thing is for sure...I know YOU can do anything you want to do. And I'm sure going to enjoy watching you as you chug down each track and conquer the world!

You truly are the bravest boy I know! You make me proud...and you inspire me to tackle my fears. Someday, I suspect you'll be telling me "I knew you could, Mommy!".

Happy 3rd Birthday Holden! Here's to another healthy and happy 365 days!!

Love,

Mommy

A HAPPY new year

Happy New Year to all our friends and family.

I am sitting in our new home enjoying the view of a winter wonderland that fell on Atlanta earlier this week, amazed that there is still snow and ice on the ground. Although we've enjoyed playing in the snow...and looking at it out the window, I think we're ready for it to melt enough to get back into our normal routine!

It seems like the Christmas season flew by...as usual. And while we stayed busy, we were blessed with some quality time with our friends and family.

Holden was completely into Christmas this year...especially after his visit to Santa to share his wish list! He helped put out cookies and milk and tried to resist falling asleep so he could hear and see Santa when he arrived! He was so excited in the morning to see what Santa had left for him!





Holden continues to do well completely off his oxygen. We did a sleep study over the holidays and are anxious to see if the results prove that he no longer needs the O2. And the sores on his face seem to be healing...very slowly...but definitely going in the right direction!

I know I tend to be pretty sappy in my blogs, but I honestly feel so blessed. I guess when you spend time in a very dark place, you can't help but feel lucky when things are going good! I pray that 2011 brings us continued good fortune, love and most importantly...good health!!